I'm not gonna lie, over the past four months I have felt extreme gratification on so many levels at what feels like a reckoning, something which has been long awaited and lingering underneath the surface. Feelings of sadness have also come through, from memories long suppressed and in some ways forgotten. There are always two sides to every coin. There are occasions where the person accused did not actually commit the crime, which is why due process is important. Here is what came out in more depth about one of the outings.
Love comedy? The news of I Louis C.K. shocked me, so of course, I did what any fan would do. I went through every YouTube video, interview or otherwise to find out what he did and why. I had to read the whole story of Louis C.K. from all the angles both pro and con. Some celebrities who have been outed weren't worth my time but let's face it, Louis C.K. has brought me to smile on some not so good days. Thus, reading of his misconduct, several thoughts rushed through my mind:
His situation and all of my pondering brought me to an even greater issue. All of these people, at some point, were shown this type of behavior, it was modeled for them, and whether spoken or not, they were told it was OKAY. Regardless of the expectation, the entitlement, it in NO WAY is. Mind you, this does not by any means justify their actions, but it does make you think of the deeper, systemic issues at work.
Louis C.K.'s story was one that reminded me of a closet case alcoholic -- he had done it for years, didn't want to admit it was a problem, some people knew about it but didn't realize it was "THAT BAD", and the only time he was willing to admit the truth was when the point of no return came and went, the proof was out, and he could hide behind the curtain no more. It's time for rehab Louis. He did not rape anyone, but you don't have to rape someone to traumatize them. What is sad is that I have respect for him, in the sense that there were so many people who weren't willing to admit it, even with the staggering evidence against them. I have had to ask myself why am I giving someone credit for doing what they should have done all along? Are good men really that hard to find?
Tangent Rant (Be Prepared...If you would like to skip, I totally understand. Please go to the next bold print paragraph.)
Who taught these men that dropping their drawers and wanting women to look at it or play with it, was acceptable. More so, desirable??? REALLY!? It reminds me of an elementary school where young boys are discovering that they like girls and are thinking, 'Hhhhmmmmm, how to get their attention??? Do I get them flowers...no, no. Do I make them a card? No. Oh yes, let me show her my penis. Definitely something she will not look away from.' Just a tip (no pun intended...kinda): They stay their frozen because they don't know how to put into words what you have done or how absurd you look or how humiliated they feel. Then again, in Louis, C.K.'s case, part of me believes he knew he looked absurd, gross, and disgusting. He talked about how disgusting he was in many of his skits.
(Rant Ended)...Continuing with final thoughts on Louis C.K.
Now, not all men are Louis C.K., but I know right now there are several women and other victims who feel betrayed and honestly believe that notion. I know some have lost their faith in men and while that is warranted I have to say, there are some amazing men left in the world today. Hard to believe with the tabloids but it's true. The Tom Hanks's, Steven Colbert's, John Stewart's and those of their like, all prove to be good guys in the media/on television but what about in our everyday lives? I know of several! Two such men, I play cribbage with every time I visit my family in Washington and each has been involved in the political arena -- go figure. Marty Campbell and Erik Hanberg thank you! Neither has ever made me feel uncomfortable. I have had two guys who have helped me through the roughest of times, always kind, always caring, always respectful -- Thank you Kenji Stoll and Chris Jordan. I have an awesome friend who has been a walking and karaoke buddy who I have partnered with on different work related projects surrounding education -- Greg Williamson you Rock! Since the age of eighteen, I have had a self-defense partner, Lee Vilaysane, who even introduced me to salsa and treated me like a little sister. Never did I worry about him making a pass at me or doing anything untoward. They all give me hope. Growing up, I was lucky to have an amazing, loving, and kind father. He has and continues to surround himself with men that I can look at and learn from -- models. So that I know what I deserve. Our girls need that today!
And for me, I have been given an opportunity to experience healthy love, finding a guy who I feel safe with, can laugh with, and who does not look at me like I am damaged or have baggage. I never have to worry about him cheating...partially because I am a Gemini and I have enough personalities for anyone to deal with but also, that is just how he was brought up. There are men out there like that. It's true.
We need men to model and educate others, both young and old. We need women to bond together and not dismiss these stories coming forward. Investigate serious allegations, look for the facts, but don't automatically dismiss someone who is trying to tell you something which could have been deeply traumatizing. We need a cultural shift, and while I truly believe women are a force, I also know that there need to be men standing right alongside us, speaking up, standing up to unjust behavior and actions when witnessed and checking other men's egos at the door. In light of this new reality, we have the opportunity to create a new state of being for the people in our lives who have been affected by such actions and the people in our lives who could be affected someday without intervention. I know this sounds corny, but we can be the change we wish to seek. It just takes conversation, listening, education, and growth from all people across the spectrum. And for my ladies and girls out there, that little voice in your head, listen to it. It isn't lying to you.
Living In Action
This blog is intended to share about SELF-DEFENSE, WOMEN'S EMPOWERMENT, and my PERSONAL JOURNEY in Learning how both fit into My LIFE. I will share Safety and Self-Defense Tips, my thoughts on the Gender Dynamics we face today, and my thoughts on related news.
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